You know you want it......

This next prize that I had the pleasure of meeting will be named "Groper". I am sure you can already picture where this is going. I tried very hard to block this dbag from the depths of my memory but I am still haunted by him. Groper emailed me and we began chatting back and forth. He asked if he could get my number so I replied with my cell number. Not 2.3 seconds after hitting "send" my phone rang. (Maybe this should have been my FIRST clue). Again you have to understand I was still new at this whole online dating thing and thought something HAD to give and we all know that hindsight is 20/20. So we start talking on the phone and the conversation went ok. We decided to meet up the following week. That Saturday night my phone rang at 130 in the morning. It was him saying how he was outside the bar he was at having a cigarette and thinking about me. He proceeded to tell me about a dream he had where we had gotten engaged at his parent's block party (I know what you are thinking now..."Why didnt you run?") and I do not have an answer to that. To back track, basically I started talking to this guy 3 days prior to this conversation and he already had a dream of us being engaged. RED FLAG RED FLAG!! For someone so smart (well sometimes) I can be such a jackass.

The meeting day is now upon us and he asked me to come to his house and we would then go to a bar by his house. I did not want him coming to my neck of the woods so I drove to him (thank God it was only 15 minutes away). I pull up to his house...wait let me rephrase that....his PARENT'S house. Mind you this dude is 35 with an 8 year old son and he drove a mini-van. Yet another red flag? Yes!! So I call him and tell him that I am outside. He comes out of the house and walks up to me, wraps his arms around my waist and buries his head into my neck and says "OMG you smell so good". I guess "Hi nice to meet you" while extending his hand was too tame for him....instead he sniffed me like a grizzly at a campsite. We walk into the house and he leads me up to his bedroom. Now I say "I thought we were going to go to the local watering hole" to which he responds "oh we are I just wanted to show you some pics of my son". Not to sound like a bitch but did I ask to see pics? NOOOO I DID NOT. So to be nice I just said "oh ok great". So now that I am seeing this troll in the light he reminds me of a carnie.  I dont know why I am attracting circus creatures!  I sit down on the bed and he shows me pics and turns on the tv. He then comes and lays next to me and starts talking and in the middle of speaking he gets up, kneels in front of me, spreads my legs and comes down to my face like a seagull canvassing the Atlantic Ocean. He sticks his tongue in my mouth. I push him off and he said "Why you playing coy you know you want it". I was so appalled that I told him that this night was over and the moron had the nerve to ask if I still wanted to go get a drink. I told him he has a better shot with his hand tonight than with me. I left and he called me to make sure I got home ok and then asked if we could maybe get together again. In all seriousness I asked him "were you dropped on your head at birth?" He replied "I will take that as a no and I still dont understand why you acted like you didnt want it". I told him I would rather have a hot fork in my eye than for him to be on top of me ever again.  I hope Groper and his mini van are having a fantastic life.